Picking teams

"Yesterday I felt excluded. We were playing kick to kick footy at playtime and I'm not very good at marking. Sometimes I'd get it and kick it, or sometimes A would give it to me to kick. Then D told him not to give the ball to me cos I can't kick it high enough for them to mark. B said 'I don't want to be mean, but you just can't do it properly'.  They didnt want me to play. I left and found a teacher who got some other kids to play with me."

This is the story one of my boys was telling me this morning and it broke my heart.  And it brought back lots of memories. 

Memories of being asked to score, not play. Memories of making daisy chains in the outfield instead of trying to field because if the ball came to me, I would probably drop it and then be laughed at, so why try?  Memories of my friends picking teams for sport, and that look they would give me that said 'I'm sorry, I really do like you better than them, but I want to win, so I won't pick you' as I was left standing in the lineup till second last (there always seemed to be a kid worse at sport and that no one liked either, at least they liked me!). Memories of secretly loving the week in PE when we would do dancing - I could do that!  But the teachers and other students hated it and so I would enjoy it privately. Memories of school reports that were filled with As and glowing reports - except that one report on PhysEd that was not so great (though the teacher always wrote about how polite and well behaved I was). 

Stu has some similar memories, though not as many as I do. 

Our kids are clearly not genetically sporty. They not only lack the natural ability to run fast or have natural ball skills, but they are small - standing a good head shorter than most of their peers. They are not destined to be great football or cricket players. And mostly, we're all ok with that. 

The boys, like us, have loads of other abilities - they're brilliant at maths and English, they're creative too and they can do some physical activities really well (climbing trees and door frames for example).  But the lack of ability in sports can be a real confidence sucker. 

It seems that through our social (and school) systems, it is ok to be really competitive at sport, but not at intellectual activities. Schools have whole days of sports activities that are pure competition (sports day is our families' least favourite day of the year).  The situation my son found himself in yesterday is not nice, but it is scarily normal!  A similar scenario in the classroom would be much less likely to happen. 

As an adult, I've learnt that we are all different, and just because you can't play football, netball or tennis well doesn't mean you are not capable at something else. It makes me laugh that I was always one of the worst at PE, but now teach fitness/dance classes and dance for a living. Clearly, I am quite cabable physically, just not in what they wanted to teach me. 

I don't know how to deal with the issues my children are just beginning to have. Do I force them to go to footy/cricket/other sports clinics and practises so that they get better, even though they genuinely don't enjoy it snd have no natural ability?  Do we coach then ag home, even though none of us wants to spend our family time doung that?  Do I tell them to avoid playing those games at school?  My heart says to nurture what they are good at, and forget about the rest, but that won't make those school time issues go away. I don't know the answers. 

In the meantime, I tell the kids my stories and let them take solace in my history. I hope that they have the foresight to see that life is so much more than those school time dramas; that they'll find the thing that suits them and that they'll shine at one day. 

And for me, I'll hold dear the feeling I had on the weekend in a belly dance class, when I was picked first to dance with a group and I knew in my heart I was being picked for my skills - first time for everything! :)